


No Man Behind

by sddeer



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 19:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sddeer/pseuds/sddeer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Three years, ten months, nine days,” he told her. “Alright, Shepard. I’m not giving up on you. We’re both soldiers. No man behind. Let’s start from the beginning."  </p>
<p>Garrus spends every day after the end of the war in a hospital talking to Shepard, who never responds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Man Behind

Garrus woke up and donned his casual clothes. No need for armor anymore. Reapers dead. No war. He went to the hospital kitchen and picked up the plate of dextro food that was always waiting for him in the morning. 

“A little something for her, too?” he had to ask every time. The attendant would smile sadly and hand him a ration pack. Today was no different.

Breakfast in hand, he’d make his way to the same room in the same ward, a staff member unlocking it and letting him in. Two chairs. He sat in one. Offered the ration pack. They mostly kept her alive through the IV and a feeding tube these days. She wouldn’t eat, not even for him. He quickly downed his food and leaned back in the chair.

“Three years, ten months, nine days,” he told her. “Alright, Shepard. I’m not giving up on you. We’re both soldiers. No man behind. Let’s start from the beginning.

”Saren. I was in charge of the investigation against him. Knew there was something rotten about that bastard, but he was a Spectre. Then you blazed into the Citadel, shouted the Council down, and let me join you, rules be damned. We got him. It took the longest time, we found out about the Reapers, you got your brain scrambled and rescrambled by Prothean technology. Pretty sure I caught you swooning at my skills as a sniper.

“Heh. Wish you’d talk to me.

“We took Saren down. Sovereign, too. Nothing like pissing off an ancient race of machines designed to harvest organic life, right? Wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Shepard. You got the Collectors hot on your tail. They even managed to take you out for a bit, but you just don’t stay dead, do you?

“Do you, Shepard?

“Stay dead.

“You’re a fighter.

“Cerberus finds your body and starts rebuilding you. Miranda wanted to put a chip in your brain, you said once. Glad she didn’t. Anyway, two years later I end up on Omega holed up in a building, trying to shoot as many mercs as I could before I ran out of ammo. Everyone’s calling me Archangel, nice enough name, and suddenly this moron comes charging in, and that moron is you. 

“Remember my scars? The missile I took right to the face? They drove you wild. Wish I could see you like that again. You had fire in your eyes. Destroyed the Collector base and somehow we survived. You were always a miracle. Everything you did. You always did the impossible. You can do one more, I know you can.

“So three years, ten months, and nine days ago, the galaxy took on the Reapers. We got hit by Harbinger’s beam, and you shoved me into the shuttle. Got some new scars from that. Well, I… guess they’re not new anymore. You can see them once you snap out of this. Anyway, you somehow got to the Citadel, and hell if we know what you did. Suddenly the sky is exploding red, Reapers are making a terrible noise and practically self-destructing, and the Citadel and relays break apart.

“Shepard, they… they found your body in the rubble on Earth. I was stranded in another system until the relays were fixed and I could come back for you. How the hell did you get back? Did you fall? Called me the Archangel, yeah right, I never fell from orbit and survived.

“You were in such a deep coma. They let me in here, so I could talk to you. A familiar voice might help, they said. Gave me a room of my own, so I’d never be too far away. You’ve had other visitors, too. Wrex came by, showed off his baby boy. Firstborn. Urdnot Mordin. Handsome little thing, for a krogan. We could adopt one someday, if you want. Javik stopped in, didn’t say much. Just goodbye. Wonder where he’s going. Chakwas is working here, too. 

“Come on, Shepard. This isn’t you. You don’t give up. The war is over, we won. Now we get to retire to that island, live off the royalties from the vids, don’t you remember?

“Shepard?” His voice broke slightly.

From behind a two-way mirror, Tali stood with Dr. Chakwas. She turned her back, unable to look any longer. “This is terrible. How long has he been like this?”

“Since the final battle. There are always those who come out of war traumatized. I just never expected him to be among their ranks.”

“Keelah,” Tali breathed. “And he won’t leave? Hasn’t anybody told him that she’s gone?”

The doctor shook her head. “Garrus sustained a severe head injury that went untreated for too long. Coupled with the stress of losing Shepard, I fear there is no hope for recovery. He has spent every day since he was admitted sitting in that chair, recounting the story of how they met, begging for her to respond to him. He is acutely aware of all of his surroundings, the passing of time, and visitors. When they tried to remove him from this ward early on, he became violent, insisting that Shepard needed him.”

“His hands!” the quarian cried after turning around to look at him again.

“After the incident, standard procedure called for the removal of all objects that would be a threat to himself and others. His talons were clipped and his fangs were filed accordingly. Garrus didn’t object.” Chakwas said sadly.

“You let them do this? Doctor, they’ve mutilated him,” Tali said in horror. “I feel like I’m going to be sick. Let me in to see him.”

Chakwas narrowed her eyes. “Are you certain, Tali? It is very difficult to speak to him now. Even Wrex became so emotional he had to leave before he headbutted some sense into Garrus.”

Tali nodded firmly. “He’s my friend. He needs me. You should have called me sooner to let me know what was going on.”

The doctor led her out of the observation room and down the hall. “A word of warning: there is no way you’ll be able to convince him that he cannot save Shepard now. The best professionals in the galaxy have been consulted. The stress of Shepard’s death has pushed him into an alternate reality. And-” she nodded her head at the pistol holstered on Tali’s suit, “don’t let him near your gun.”

“I understand. And thank you, Doctor Chakwas. It would mean a lot to him if he understood you remained on Earth to watch over him,” she replied before stepping through the door. “Hey, Garrus.”

Garrus stood up, a look of delight on his face. “Tali! I thought you would be too busy rebuilding Rannoch to come to Earth. What are you doing here? Look, Shepard. It’s Tali.” The empty chair, ‘Shepard’s’ chair, seemed to taunt Tali with its stillness. “How have you been?”

“Just thought it was time to visit my friend… my friends,” she corrected awkwardly. He didn’t seem to notice. “How are you?”

Garrus paused for a moment, hands flexing slightly, scar tissue covering the nubs of his fingers where his talons used to be. ”Surviving, and all that entails,” he said in a serious tone, as though he were insinuating something more. When Tali approached him, he lowered his voice. “Still no change from Shepard. But she promised I’d never be alone.”

Tali looked past him at the empty chair again. “Garrus…” she started to say, but he straightened and interrupted her.

“You know what would be fun? Going to a shooting range. I want to see if your shotgun skills have deteriorated now that there’s no Reaper threat,” he suggested.

She furrowed her brow behind her mask. Chakwas had informed her that in each of his meetings with visitors, he said the same thing. Normally, Tali wouldn’t be surprised; Garrus was more in love with his sniper rifle than he was anything else—except Shepard, that was. Why would he fight against being removed by hospital staff with enough force to have his talons removed surgically but willingly leave ‘Shepard’ behind when his friends came to visit?

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, Garrus. What about Shepard?” Truthfully, she wasn’t sure if he was even allowed out of the hospital, let alone to a range filled with deadly weapons. “Can you even leave? Leave her, I mean?”

He looked back at the chair, staring at it then turning back to her. Judging by his look, Tali was definitely missing something. “I never left her. Do you know where Javik ended up?” he asked.

Before she could reply that she had no idea, Chakwas’ voice chimed in over the room speakers. “Garrus is allowed to leave the hospital at any time.” 

He nodded, pleased. “Chakwas keeps an eye on things here. What do you say?”

Tali narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Maybe next time. Sorry, Garrus.” He stepped backwards, slumping into his chair with disappointment.

“No, I understand. Everyone else is busy, moving on with their lives. Can’t blame them, that’s what you’re supposed to do after a war’s won.” A pointed look over at the empty chair. “Have you seen Wrex’s baby?”

“Yes, in a video he sent me. I was surprised to hear from him. Maybe he just wanted to brag,” she said. “Listen, Garrus… I should probably go. But I’ll be on Earth for a little while. Maybe I can come back to visit tomorrow?”

“No, Tali, wait!” Suddenly he was on his feet, the speed with which he stood up knocking his chair over and into the other one, which also toppled to the ground. Tali thought she heard a scuffle from the other room where Chakwas was watching them, but it was quickly drowned out by Garrus’ yells.

“Shepard!” In an instant he was kneeling on the ground. “Shepard, please! I need you!” 

Chakwas burst into the room, a syringe full of tranquilizers in hand. She ran over to Garrus, aiming the needle for a soft spot in his plated skin, but he was too fast for her. Sweeping his leg behind him, he tripped her, whipped around, and grabbed the tranquilizer from her. 

“Garrus, what are you—” Tali cried, pulling her pistol as he pinned the doctor to the ground in an armhold, pressing the tip of the needle against her arm.

He looked up at her solemnly. ”This is full of sedatives meant for dextro patients only. I introduce it into the doctor’s system, and she dies almost instantly. I… I’m sorry, Karin,” Garrus finished quietly, glancing down at the woman who was strangely still beneath him. “And I’m sorry, Tali. It’s the only way.”

“This doesn’t make any sense!” she protested. Her gun was aimed directly between his eyes. “Why would you hurt Doctor Chakwas? She’s done everything she can to help you!”

Garrus stared calmly at the pistol. “I didn’t want it to be this way. I didn’t want it to be you, but they tore my talons out. I can’t do it without someone else’s help. Either you shoot me, or Karin dies.”

Tali let out a whimper. “Why are you doing this? Let me help you.”

He closed his eyes, voice breaking. “I’m so sorry, Tali. I did all I could. She said I would never be alone. I tried for so long, but… that chair is empty.”

Chakwas stirred in her surprise. “Garrus, you knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because she promised!” he growled. “I thought that if I believed hard enough, if I tried long enough, she would be there. She would come back. She would stand up from the chair and take my hand. No, there’s nothing you can do. But Tali, you can help me.”

“Garrus, I won’t shoot you! Put the syringe down. I-I’ll stay on Earth for as long as you want me to. I’ll help you. Garrus, please.” 

His shoulders shook with a silent sob. “Don’t let anyone name their kids after me,” he managed to choke out. “I failed her.” Then he pushed the needle into Chakwas’ arm and made as though to press the plunger down.

A shot.

Tali dropped her gun, sprinted the few steps to Chakwas and pulled the syringe out of her; none of the tranquilizer had been introduced into her system. Garrus crumpled to the side, bloodied head colliding with with overturned chair that had been ‘Shepard’s’ for nearly four years. His visor ran a series of numbers for a moment, glowing beneath the blood, then winked out. 

The women were taken from the room shortly thereafter, and both were treated for psychological damage in the ensuing months. After extensive reviews of the footage of his room and calls to all his visitors from the past, it was determined that while it was unclear precisely when the turian realized that Shepard was truly dead, he had been trying to create a situation that would end in his death for well over two years.

Strangely, about the same time that Chakwas resigned from the hospital, all of the files on Garrus Vakarian and his mental decline and eventual death were mysteriously erased from all records. The history books lauded him as an elusive fighter who retired somewhere away from the politics of the galaxy. A large fanbase for him built up after the vids and video games surrounding the events of the Reaper War were released, and there were regular reports of Garrus-sightings throughout the galaxy for decades to come.

Tali went on to have a son who grew up hearing stories about the heroics of a turian named Garrus Vakarian who would sometimes share chocolate with his mother. All of his childhood games ended with him insisting upon being called “Archangel.” He later returned to Rannoch from his pilgrimage sporting a blue tattoo, an old, badly-abused but extremely accurate Mantis rifle like they hadn’t produced in over twenty years, and a long list of commendations for public service. 

“I wish you would have named me after your friend,” he confided to Tali one day. He didn’t understand why she cried.


End file.
